The idea of a website has been around long before the invention of the internet.
In fact, it can be traced all the way back to a time before time, when the Earth was covered in a sheet of ice, to a Homo-sapiens named Colin.
Colin the Caveman…
Colin was a salesman of mammoth proportions. He ran his own business, Hairy Elephant Solutions, breeding and selling Hairy Elephants. A simple business with regular clients who would keep coming back to Colin year after year for their predictable quota of fresh livestock.
Colin had a farm just outside of town where he looked after and bred the Hairy Elephants. He made enough to get by and feed his family, but he wanted more. He wanted to grow his business so he could afford the finer things in life. He wanted to be able to afford a shooty thing to help him hunt better. He’d always wanted to take the family to Dino World, but that was just a dream for now.
He was 22 now and past his prime. Time was running out to give meaning to his life.
“Me wish have more money,” he would say to himself. “Me wish more people look at what me sell!”
Every day as Colin worked on his farm, tending to his Hairy Elephants, he would look up into the sky and see the flying things. He knew they had something to do with Uggle, a distant mystical land full of secrets, but he never really gave it much thought.
“Maybe me visit Uggle today,” he thought, “maybe me go see what crack is!”
Colin decided to take a closer look at Uggle, so he decided to drag his knuckles across the valley for the half-day trek. On the way, however, he bumped into his old friend, John. John the Caveman.
“Ug!” said Colin.
“Ug!” his old friend replied.
“Long time me no see you! What you be do now?” said Colin.
“Me Cave Developer. Me make you Cavesite. Make people want see your farm!” replied John.
“Hmm, that what me come find,” said Colin excitedly. “This what me need to make more slate-ticket to buy holiday in Dino World! But why me need one?” he asked, his heavy brow raising slightly on his prominent cranial ridge.
John turned and pointed his finger to the sky. Above their heads the sky was filled were hundreds of bird-like creatures circling the local area-like. Occasionally they would swoop down for a closer look, only to quickly soar back into the skies and head for home.
“What them?” asked Colin, pointing at the creature as it hovered over a nearby Cavesite.
“Them Terredactoogles. Them come from Uggle and look, then go back and tell where to find it,” John replied.
Great columns of Terredactoogles stretched out across the vast expanses of nothing. As soon as one would land in Uggle , another would leave for its new destination. A constant stream of traffic through the emptiness stretching out far and wide as far as the primitive homo-sapiens eye could see.
Uggle was a magical place. There was nothing of particular interest there, just its name erected from huge multicoloured slabs of stone towering above the entrance. Occasionally someone would carve new stones, but this seemed to have little purpose other than to be mildly entertaining. But it was an ingenious place.
Cavemen and Cavewomen from across the frozen land would visit Uggle to find exactly what they were looking for, so they wouldn’t have to drag their knuckles across the valleys for days on end.
Now, anyone who’s tried to have a conversation with a Cavemen will tell you, they have little capacity for proper sentences, and only the most educated in the wise ways of words, could say anything that amounted to more than two syllables at a time. And this was what made Uggle so brilliant.
The town was made up of thousands, if not hundreds of boxes, each with their own Terredactoogle sitting patiently. All you had to do was stand in the box, grunt the 2 or 3 words you wanted to find, and off they went, returning shortly afterwards with details of the Cavesite you needed.
Colin looked at John and smiled.
“Me want Cavesite,” said Colin.
“Urgh,” John grunted, and off they went.
Months passed since Colin’s new Cavesite was built. It looked really impressive, a shabby-rock design, simple but effective.
The Terredactoogles had been passing over his Cavesite from time to time, occasionally swooping closer to get a better look at some of the cave drawings on the walls. But sometimes the wrong visitors would come.
“Ug!” said Colin as a visitor approached him one morning.
“Ug. Me need Mammoth.”
“Me no got Mammoth, only Hairy Elephant,” replied Colin.
“Urg, me need Mammoth!”
They grunted back and forth for several more minutes until they agreed that this wasn’t the right Cavesite for the visitor, who left having wasted his journey.
Colin could tell he was better off with the Cavesite. He’d sold more Hairy Elephants since Uggle was made aware that his Cavesite was ready. He certainly felt more like a business, but deep down he wasn’t completely happy. He expected more.
He decided to speak to his Cave Developer, John.
“Me like Cavesite John, it real nice, but need it do more,” he said, as politely as possible for a Caveman.
John replied, “Cavesite no just sit there. Must make do fings. Must make people want see your Hairy Elephant. Cavesite look nice, but same as uver Hairy Elephant farmers.”
“What you fink me do?” said Colin.
“Listen me care full,” said John, “me tell you how do it but you promise me one fing.”
“Me promise,” he replied.
“You not do it all. You must get experts do each bit for you.”
“Ok. Now tell me.”
John went on to tell Colin all about how to make the most of his Cavesite. He told him how he needed to get a professional artist to create unique and individual cave drawings, ones that make it clear what he sells, not just cheap drawings from DrawStock.
He told Colin how it wasn’t good enough just to put some big letters on his Cavesite across the top, and how he needed to do more than just carve many words onto each face of his site in the hope that people would want to, or be able to, read it.
And how writing Hairy Elephant hundreds of times at the bottom of the Cavesite was so last Age. Only Neanderthals did that, and Uggle’s Terredactoogles paid no attention to it any more.
He told Colin how he had to make sure there was lots of information added to his Cavesite regularly for people interested in Hairy Elephants to find out how it would really help them, some of it being free information that they can take home. After all, most people didn’t have a clue what Hairy Elephants were used for, so it was important they found out.
He even showed him a new business called Squawk, where he could give them a message all day and they would flap around the village Squawking your message to everyone within earshot. Occasionally, he explained, some villagers will Squawk back or re-Squark and help you get grunting with people about what you do.
However, the main thing John made clear to Colin was that his Cavesite had to do more than just sit there. He needed to get people to visit it from all over the land, Squawk about it, take free information from it and be able to use it.
And because he’d promised to use experts to do it all, John knew that when people came to look at his Cavesite, they know what they needed to know. They’d get the right message, the right feeling, and know all the benefits of owning your own Hairy Elephant.
“This what you must do,” said John. “This make it work real good.”
Within a month Colin had improved his Cavesite. As promised he brought in all the experts, told them what they needed to know, and let them work their magic.
He was getting more hits on his Cavesite than ever before.
(The word `hit` for websites comes from when so many Terredactoogles would race over to a Cavesite, fail to stop in time, and hit the wall. `Crash` came from when they broke it.)
Now every day Colin would have other homo-sapiens visit his Cavesite. More importantly, the Terredactoogles could easily find everything they needed to know about his business because of the quality of the work on his Cavesite. They were able to send visitors his way that were actually interested in what he had to sell. They were really warm, if not hot leads!
“John, me love Cavesite,” Colin said. “All time people come already want Hairy Elephant. Me just finish sale and take slate-ticket.”
He now sold Hairy Elephants faster than ever before, to people from all over the land. He was getting so many visitors that great paths trailed across the land to and from his Cavesite, and the trails to his competitors’ Cavesites had started to dry up. Not as many people used them anymore.
The Terredactoogles rarely swooped down for a closer look because they could see that his Cavesite was a brilliant place to send people. With all the trails and footprints pointing in Colin’s direction, and with the amount of visitors that liked and Squawked about his site, it was a great place to send anyone interested in Hairy Elephants.
His business grew and grew. Colin’s family became wealthy beyond their dreams. Everyone knew about Hairy Elephant Solutions, and they finally got to visit Dino World for the holiday of a lifetime.
The rest is history.
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